| can I just do nothing but quote Proust all day long? |
[25 Nov 2009|05:14pm] |
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I do not believe that all these memories, hovering between me and her name, served in any way to bring it to light. In that great game of hide and seek which is played in our memory when we seek to recapture a name, there is not any series of gradual approximations. We see nothing, then suddenly the name appears in its exact form and very different from what we thought we could make out. It is not the name that has come to us. No, I believe rather that, as we go on living, we pass our time in keeping away from the zone in which a name is distinct, and it was by an exercise of my will and attention which increased the acuteness of my inward vision that all of a sudden I had pierced the semi-darkness and seen daylight. In any case, if there are transitions between oblivion and memory, then, these transitions are unconscious. For the intermediate names through which we pass, before finding the real name, are themselves false, and bring us nowhere nearer to it. They are not even, properly speaking, names at all, but often mere consonants which are nol to be found in the recaptured name. And yet, this operation of the mind passing from a blank to reality is so mysterious, that it is possible after all that these false consonants are really handles, awkwardly held out to enable us to seize hold of the correct name. “All this,” the reader will remark, “tells us nothing as to the lady’s failure to oblige; but since you have made so long a digression, allow me, gentle author, to waste another moment of your time in telling you that it is a pity that, young as you were (or as your hero was, if he be not yourself), you had already so feeble a memory that you could not recall the name of a lady whom you knew quite well.” It is indeed a pity, gentle reader. And sadder than you think when one feels the time approaching when names and words will vanish from the clear zone of consciousness, and when one must for ever cease to name to oneself the people whom one has known most intimately. It is indeed a pity that one should require this effort, when one is still young, to recapture names which one knows quite well. But if this infirmity occurred only in the case of names barely known, quite naturally forgotten, names which one would not take the trouble to remember, the infirmity would not be without its advantages. “And what are they, may I ask?” Well, Sir, that the malady alone makes us remark and apprehend, and allows us to dissect the mechanism of which otherwise we should know nothing. A man who, night after night, falls like a lump of lead upon his bed, and ceases to live until the moment when he wakes and rises, will such a man ever dream of making, I do not say great discoveries, but even minute observations upon sleep? He barely knows that he does sleep. A little insomnia is not without its value in making us appreciate sleep, in throwing a ray of light upon that darkness. A memory without fault is not a very powerful incentive to studying the phenomena of memory. “In a word, did Mme. d’Arpajon introduce you to the Prince?” No, but be quiet and let me go on with my story.
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[19 Nov 2009|09:26pm] |
Why do muscles twitch!? or any part of your body!?
my right beast keeps on twitching! it makes me feel that... my heart is beating 200 times a minute. it's driving me insane! ahhhhhh.... hopefully it will go away soon.
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[12 Nov 2009|10:32pm] |
I'm not quite sure what this song is about, but I feel it sums me up... more than anything.
Well my time went so quickly, I went lickety-splickly out to my old '55
As I drove away slowly, feeling so holy, God knows, I was feeling alive.
Now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck, freeway cars and trucks,
Stars beginning to fade, and I lead the parade
Just a-wishing I'd stayed a little longer,
Oh, Lord, let me tell you that the feeling's getting stronger.
And it's six in the morning, gave me no warning; I had to be on my way.
Well there's trucks all a-passing me, and the lights are all flashing,
I'm on my way home from your place.
And now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck, freeway cars and trucks,
Stars beginning to fade, and I lead the parade
Just a-wishing I'd stayed a little longer,
Oh, Lord, let me tell you that the feeling's getting stronger.
And my time went so quickly, I went lickety-splickly out to my old '55
As I pulled away slowly, feeling so holy, God knows, I was feeling alive.
Now the sun's coming up, I'm riding with Lady Luck,
Freeway cars and trucks, freeway cars and trucks, freeway cars and trucks...
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[29 Oct 2009|06:37am] |
it's 6:40
I woke up at 4:40 I am sure of it
I haven't been back to sleep
I was planning on writing my paper all day
but I am going to come home and sleep.
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[11 Oct 2009|06:10pm] |
I hate days where you feel like you have so much to do that to even start just seems impossible.
hmm. I'll get something done.
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[17 Sep 2009|12:37pm] |
so cocorosie is here. in portland... tonight. playing the aladdin theater. which usually holds the greatest of all shows, plus its small... so you can always see pretty easy. well. I can't go. for various reasons. for starters I don't have a ticket... I was unbelievably frustrated when I found out it was sold out when I had to make my way all the way out there! it broke my heart. and if I had not waited for so long to get a ticket, I would have been fine. but I am also very broke. so looks like no scalped ticket for me. people on craigslist are offering lots of money to buy one. and anyway, the last real reason I can't go is that I don't have my bike. its being fixed because it was going to kill me. new brakes new gears, etc. I would hate to have my dad give me a ride... and I feel I may just miss the bus because of how far away this venue is from me.
I guess they will come again.
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[13 Sep 2009|10:14pm] |
I really like bülent ersoy, a transexual turkish signer, she makes me nostalgic for istanbul, yet again.
and amália rodrigues, from portugal...
and Marcel Proust
( ..and graffiti from Lisbon )
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[12 Sep 2009|04:05pm] |
sometimes, I get so lost in the things I want, the things I desire I forget about what I need.. so much that I become obsessed. I become nauseous, like I am right now.
I forget about goals I have
I forget about everybody else
yet how indulgent is this? I'm not sure.
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[08 Sep 2009|08:55pm] |
classes this term:
Monday/Wed/Fri
Turkish 101
Spanish 301
Capstone: Bilingual Education (mondays only)
Tuesday:
Spanish lit
Lap Swim
I saw inglorious basterds on sunday, and it was basically like having sex for 2 hours and fifteen minutes, and having the greatest climax of your life with the last fifteen minutes. what I mean by that is there was a lot of build up. I feel weird about how that stuff didn't happen... hilter didn't die in a theater in paris, he shot himself in berlin. but the film got one of my biggest annoyances right! germans speaking german and french speaking from and americans speaking english. the pianist was a wonderful film and one of my favorites of world war II, but I am sure none of the polish jews at that time were switching back from english to german. waltz, who switches from french to english to italian, is amazing in the film. and yeah, it was really good.
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[08 Sep 2009|08:54pm] |
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[27 Aug 2009|03:01pm] |
shows to see, soon.
Sept 4th - Starfucker @ Dougfir
Sept 7th - Marylin Manson @ roseland (anyone???)
Sept 17th - Explosions in the sky @ crystal/ CocoRosie @ Aladdin - I will probably go see rosie.
Sept 19th - Beach House @ berbatis
Sept 28th - Telefon Tel Aviv @ mississippi studios (does this mean I can't go?)
Oct 3rd - Asobi Seksu @ Berbatis
Oct 14th - KMFDM @ Wonderballroom
Oct 24th - The Gossip @ Wonder
Nov 1st - Regina Spektor @ roseland
Nov 2nd - Skinny Puppy @ Wonder
Nov 4th - Mum @ Aladdin
Nov 7th - Raveonettes @ doug fir
that's too many shows. I probably won't go to all. I feel like I am missing some too. I really want blonde redhead to come again, i'd go see them in seattle too. and the knife. and diamanda.... ohhh I have to be patient for diamanda. what's interesting among TBA this year? anything?
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[26 Aug 2009|01:13am] |
Father don't you go
Let's just take a walk in the afternoon ... look at me
Mother don't you know
You can only see me through a clouded sphere ... look at me
Walk out on a limb leaning on a cloud that isn't still reveals
Looking down a cliff it isn't fun it's communicating fear
Say what you say, say it like a cat
Say it to my face and say what you know every one says
Father don't you know
You have made me into a quiet man ... look at me
Mother don't you go
You are a long way away from me ... look at me
I see you as you see me ... look at me
Change your heart cause I am already spoken for
Say what you say, say it like a cat
Say it to my face and say what you know every one says
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[10 Aug 2009|02:41pm] |
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if I hole my guitar pedal at a certain spot, I think I can hear the radio/television/something through my amp! woah!
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[10 Aug 2009|01:13am] |
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I want to cancel all my spanish classes for fall term and take nothing but literature classes... or classes about film. or classes about acting.
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[06 Aug 2009|01:49am] |
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I hallucinate a lot these days.... and I think I know why. normally it's just a dot or a sparkle in the ceiling or the floor... but occasionally it can be a little more potent. only once has it lasted more than one mili second... and that time I really got scared. its not really irritating at all, it just um... well I keep on thinking from the corning of my eye I see a spider moving on the ground. yet, he's not there.
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[29 Jul 2009|01:05am] |
the show tonight was fantastic... their background setup was beautiful and more extravagant than I had ever seen them put up.
before hand, I was thinking... 'okay the show starts at eight, that's when the doors open! I'm sure the opening act is at nine and sonic youth at like, 10/10:30' yet I decided... 'well I should walk by and see if I hear any music.' I don't. but I do see a sign: Sonic Youth 9 - 11! AH HOLY SHIT! I had ten minutes to get myself inside. also- I fucking hate the roseland... the sound is okay, tonight it worked well for the band even though almost 100% of the time the crystal is better. yet the security is bullshit. I walk through the metal detector, whatever... but then they take ten minutes to search this one guys bag. it just took forever and he was before me. well I finally got in and they went on within ten minutes. the air conditioning was broken! and it was one hundred degrees outside! and in a crowd, the body heat always makes it worse. perhaps this is what made the crowd so tame, throughout most of the show nobody was really moving, at least not intensely. aside from moving in and out of the way of people and the casually head bopping to the music everyone was rather just in awe at the band, which made it more enjoyable considering the intensity of seattle. they played for two hours this time, and hearing the new album for the second time live made me enjoy it twice as much. they played stereo sanctity as they did in seattle yet exchanged skip tracer (which I was not expecting at all), silver rocket, pacific coast highway, shadow of the doubt for... hey joni and cross the breeze. making the seattle show all that much more worth it. and they ended with death valley again, I was able to make it to near front by the first encore, and the very front for the second. anyway, that may have been the best show I have seen of them, even though I may have preferred a few different songs, it all just came together very well. kim encouraged us all to do yoga while thurston was fixing his guitar... and lee asked who biked their (I did!). next tour? I see all the west coast shows. no fucking joke.
and tomorrow I get a new cell phone. finally.
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[26 Jul 2009|11:13am] |
they played 'cross the breeze.
seattle is.... something alright.
more later.
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[23 Jul 2009|11:59am] |
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my headphones don't work. or at least... one speaker is broken. this makes me angry. they aren't even a year old. although Ive probably used them to near death. meh.
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